I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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