im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
