My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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