if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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