glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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