don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
