thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
