I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
