he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
