A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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