Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
