just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
