dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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