Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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