More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
