she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
