i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
