He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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