WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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