oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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