So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
