Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up under a house in Key West
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
