i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
