ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
