I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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