i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
