Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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