i permit you to call me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
