And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
