my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
