I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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