Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
