Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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