hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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