There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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