wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
