Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
