Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
