I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
