My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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