Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
