Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
