is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
