You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
