Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
