I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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