Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
