My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
