Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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