somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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