So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
