Only a mothe r could love this liver
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dignity is for republicans.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
