I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
