I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
