I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
