As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
