just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
