what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
