make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
FUCK WHALES
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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