So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
