Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
