Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
